To Discover Oneself
by MagicAndSparklez
Summary: This is the story of Anna Lightwood and going through discovering herself. The disapproval of those around her sends an impact on her, but it comes from those she never would think to suppress her as much as they do. OOC for certain characters at certain points. Takes place before TLH & more/less during Nothing But Shadows. Rated T because I am overly careful about these things.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N. First thing I want to say here, back in the era in which Anna lived, there were no gender-neutral terms/pronouns. I will be using she/her pronouns because of that, and also because that is the only way I've seen the character described. Even though Anna is more likely a 'they' in this time, back then, Anna was only a 'she'. I know, I'm going on a long spiel about pronouns, and some people may not understand why. But to those who do, I just wanted to clarify why I was using the ones I'll be using.**

 **This will just be a short story, approximately 5 chapters. I may decide to extend it, depending on how well it does in the eyes of all you readers.**

 **Also, fair warning, some characters will be OOC, and the story may seem a bit off from how one would expect. But, trust me, it will all make sense as the story progresses.**

* * *

Her name is Anna Lightwood. The daughter of Cecily and Gabriel Lightwood. But, she never felt like she was always their _daughter_. She never felt the way most girls do. She felt odd, she felt confused. Her identity seemed forced on her.

Ever since she was young, she was dressed in little dresses, colours like pink, lilac, and all other colours that were highly associated with female. She did like some of the colours, it is true; but, something always felt strange. She felt out of place some days when her mother would bring her home a new dress. She had gravitated to her father's and brother's clothing sometimes. She would take her father's waistcoats, steal his hats, and wear trousers as opposed to the skirts and dresses. She felt _right_ wearing them.

However, there would come days that she enjoyed the dresses. It was confusing to herself as well as her family as to why she kept this up for so long. Her parents had always said that she would grow out of it, that it was only a phase that would soon enough pass.

Anna had convinced herself that they were right at the time. She had told herself on the nights she felt lost and confused it would all pass and she would grow up to be the woman she was supposed to be all along.

As the years went by, nothing changed. She still would dress in her father's clothing, still wear the occasional dress. Anna did seem to gravitate slightly more to wearing blazers and trousers, despite herself. She felt different. _She liked it._ In spite of all that Anna was, her parents didn't seem to understand her as much as she would have liked. Her mother would look at her sometimes with an expression that Anna couldn't quite describe to its full extent. It was a mix of wistfulness and confusion, almost with a sense of longing.

* * *

When Anna was fifteen, her parents were unsure of how to deal with her odd behaviour. Anna found herself gravitating to the intimate company of women as opposed to men. Anna herself wasn't sure why she did, but she knew she liked it. She loved a great many girls, and it was beginning to concern her mother more and more. Anna would often go out on her own, wearing suits, and sometimes, not return for hours.

One day, Cecily had had enough. She was no longer willing to give Anna all the freedom she had. Cecily debated about sending Anna off to the academy along with Christopher, but soon decided against it, for she thought Anna would make a fool of herself. No more mockery would be brought to the Lightwood name.

When the time came for Christopher to go to the academy, Cecily knew that Will would also be around, dropping off James. She had sent a message, inviting him to come over. She needed help with what was going on. She saw how well he and Tessa handled James's… _differences_ , and hoped that, in some way, he could help her figure out Anna.

Cecily was waiting for her brother, watching out the window. She heard footsteps behind her. She turned to see Anna.

"Mama, what are you doing?" Anna asked as she came to stand beside her mother.

"I'm just waiting for someone," she said, her voice quiet.

"Is someone coming over? Who is it?" Anna asked, growing excited.

Cecily turned fully towards Anna and took in her look. Her hair was all tucked away in a small bun at the nape of her neck, she was in a suit jacket and trousers, her chest had clearly been bound by something, as it was not as noticeable as it usually would be. A slight frown appeared on both of their faces, both with two completely different reasons.

"Mama, why do you always look at me like that?" Anna asked, feeling a sense of sadness wash over her.

Cecily acted oblivious, "like what, Anna?" she asked, putting her hand on her daughter's cheek.

Anna pulled back. "You always look at me like I've disappointing you in some way. Like I failed you."

Cecily remained silent. She didn't know how to respond.

Luckily for her, a knock at the door saved her from having to make sense of her silence. Cecily went over and opened the door, revealing Will. She gladly smiled at his arrival. It couldn't have been timed any better. Will gave his sister a hug, "it's been awhile, Cecy," he said with a smile.

"Uncle Will!" Anna exclaimed, running over to him, wrapping her arms around him.

"Oh, Anna, you have grown so much," he observed, pulling back and admiring her new height since the last time he had seen her.

Anna nodded enthusiastically at her uncle, a big smile on her face. "I'm almost as tall as Mother, look!" she went and stood beside Cecily, who was no more than several centimeters taller than Anna.

Cecily didn't look as excited at Anna's height as her brother and daughter. _"Gwilym,_ I need to talk to you." Cecily's voice was serious. "Alone please." she said, shooting a glare at Anna, who backed away.

Will's expression dropped to serious as Cecily pulled him over into the drawing room.

"Cecily," he said, "what's wrong?" he asked, growing concerned.

Cecily went to sit down on a sofa, putting her elbows on her knees, balling he hands together, and resting her chin on them. "It's Anna!" she exclaimed, exasperated, through clenched teeth.

Will looked at his sister, confusion washing over him. "What about her? She seems happy." he remarked.

"But have you seen the way she acts? She wears Gabriel's suits and takes his hats, she spends more time with other girls, but not like in the way other girl would. She's attracted to them in a way I can only describe as how a woman would be attracted to a man! There is so much about her that doesn't seem right." Cecily cried vehemently.

Will was taken aback. "I see," Will said, when he, as a matter of fact, did not quite see. He could see, quite obviously, Cecily seemed very one sided and closed-minded about this topic.

"I don't know what to do, Will," she said, dropping her head into her hands. "She's going—"

"Cecily," Will put his hand on her shoulder, taking a seat next to her. "You have to listen to her. You have to try understanding her."

"She doesn't understand herself!" Cecily exclaimed, her head snapping to face him. "She thinks she's some... she doesn't... her..." she sighed exasperated.

Will patted his sister's back, trying to calm her. He couldn't fully understand what was going through her mind, but he would try his best. He was also surprised by some of the things that she was saying. "Anna understands herself more than you would," he claimed.

"No, she doesn't. Anna is my daughter. I know her. I always have." Cecily shot back, shaking her head at her brother.

"Cecily, _you don't."_ Will tried to convince.

She shook her head at him again. "I want my daughter back. I want her to be who she was when she was little. I don't know what she's trying to be. I don't want her to try being my son. I just want my daughter. That's all I've ever wanted." Cecily said, leaning into her brother.

Will wrapped his arm around her, rubbing her shoulder as she began to cry. Will was reminded of a time, back when they were young children, playing around outside. Cecily had fallen and badly hurt herself. She managed to hold herself together much longer than anyone should be able to with such injuries. She was very strong, and Cecily had never been one to cry much; Will knew, this was really affecting her. He wasn't sure what to do aside from just stay with her as she tried to calm herself. He wanted her to understand her child, to at least _try_ understanding what it's like for Anna, or even to see what it's like for her to see her mother disapprove of her so much.

"I don't know what to do with her. Her behaviour is so odd, she likes women, she acts like a boy some days, or a girl others or sometimes I don't even know what she's trying to be!" Cecily sobbed, looking up at Will through her tear rimmed eyes.

Seeing his sister so vulnerable, so sad, so confused made him just want to take her and hold her forever and keep her safe like how they had when they were younger. He wished he could erase all of her problems. But, she was going to need to face it. That's the only way she can see what she needs.

Will hadn't heard the chocked sob of another person until Cecily had quieted down. He looked over his shoulder, only to see nothing. He'd played it off as something of his imagination, or an echoing sob of his sister.

 _"I just wanted a daughter,"_ Cecily repeated, her tears drying as her crying ceased.

* * *

 **A/N. Okay, so I really hoped you guys liked the first chapter! I simply adore the character of Anna Lightwood, I feel her, _so much_. I hope this chapter was well received. I will be updating within the next week or so. And yes, before anyone gets mad with me, I know that it is always said that her family is proud of her for her individuality in the end, but right away -especially in that time era- things like genderqueer people weren't a really recognized thing. It was perceived as odd and unusual. So I hope that clears up anymore confusing things. **

**I love reviews and all that fun stuff! I will answer reviews in the A/N's of the next chapter! Once again, I really hope this story is enjoyable so far!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Okay, so here we have the next chapter! I loved the reviews I got, they made me so happy, and now to respond to questions and whatnot!**

 _ **Guest:**_ **We will later on see how other Shadowhunters and possibly how the Clave will react to how Anna lives her life. Your review, just... awheh, beautiful review!  
**

 ** _MagicMissy:_ All this stuff is found from Cassandra Clare's twitter and mainly, the Shadowhunter Wikia. I suggest you check it out if you haven't already! Yes, it is OOC, but things will definitely make more sense as this goes along!**

* * *

Will stood up, and kneeled down in front of Cecily. She had her eyes clenched shut, and put her hands over her face. When Will attempted to pull them away, she hesitated, but let her hands drop to her lap. She looked at him through a thin veil of tears that she wiped away as soon as they tried to fall. "Breathe Cecy," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Listening to Will's advice, Cecily took several deep breaths, her breathing had levelled. She looked up at Will, violet-blue eyes meeting violet-blue eyes. She felt safe when Will was around, despite his troubled younger years, he had grown into a very mature adult. He still had his fun, playful side, but when the matters got serious, everything about his demeanour changed.

"I need a minute" Cecily said, her voice quiet and raw. "Can I please be alone for a few minutes, Will?"

Will nodded, standing up and walking out. He turned the corner, and was not prepared for what he saw –rather, _who_ he saw. Anna was sitting on the floor with her knees drawn into her chest, and her chin resting on them. When Will came around, she looked up at him and hid her face, putting her forehead on her knees.

"Anna," Will said gently, as if approaching an animal he was afraid that might run away. "Anna, just listen—"

"I was! And I knew it, mama hates me!" Anna exclaimed, glancing up at her uncle.

Will came closer to his niece, kneeling down beside her; but when he did, Anna moved away. "She doesn't hate you, try to understand what—"

"Don't tell me what to do! That's _her_ job. Tells me I can't wear father's clothes, not steal Christopher's things, don't go out in public dressed how _I_ want to be dressed. She is embarrassed to be seen around me, Uncle Will!" Anna cried, looking up at him. " _She doesn't even want me,"_ she said, her voice dropping to a quiet, dejected tone.

Anna's words made Will stop, she was so _broken_. So much had been taken from her, so much corrupted by her own _mother._ "We need to have a talk," Will decided, standing up.

He offered a hand to Anna, who shook her head. "I am not talking to her."

"You won't be alone. Just come with me. Please, Anna; I want to help you," Will explained, still holding his hand out to his niece.

Looking up at him full, he could see the tears in her eyes, running down her cheeks. She reached up and took his hand, being pulled up by her uncle. Unexpectedly, Anna wrapped her arms around his torso. Will returned the gesture, holding her to him until she let him go.

He put his arm around her shoulder, leading her into the drawing room where Cecily remained, curled up on the sofa. When she heard their footsteps, she looked up. When she saw Anna, she let out a frustrated groan, and stood up. "Why did you bring her here?" Cecily spat, marching up to her brother. "I swear, William, if you told her anything—"

"Mama, don't." Anna said, taking a stand, stepping up to her mother. "This is not his problem. It's ours," she said, taking on a serious tone.

Will was proud of the immediate responsibility and strength Anna was demonstrating. It was almost like she just needed a push. She would be a natural leader one day, if she ever chose to take that on. He could see she would handle this well. He no longer felt as needed. "I think I should leave you—"

"You aren't going anywhere," Cecily snapped, "sit." Cecily gestured to the sofa across from where she had previously been sitting.

Knowing that he didn't want to anger Cecily any more than she already had been, he went over and sat down. Cecily sat on the sofa opposite to him. They glared at each other for several moments. Anna stood between them, and went to sit next to her uncle after carefully weighing her options.

The shared glares around the room between the three was becoming frightening, yet the silence made it seem awkward. Anna, wanting to be able to try sorting at least _something_ out, was the first to speak up. "Mama, can you, for once, try to hear my side?" she asked, a look of desperation ghosting across her face.

Cecily turned to her daughter, looking into her emerald green eyes, remembering the first time she saw them. When she was just a young child, unaware of the cruel world around them. The little girl she had wished for since she herself was a small child. The look in Anna's face was so innocent, but also afraid. The words from Anna's mouth gave a burst in Cecily's mind, she too had a perspective of being what she was. _But it wasn't normal,_ a voice in Cecily's mind interrupted. That voice was always making the decisions for her. She nodded at her daughter, though part of her didn't want to.

"I just don't want to be what I'm supposed to be," declared Anna "I don't feel right being a _girl_ sometimes."

Cecily felt tears welling in her eyes. _A daughter. All I've ever wanted was a daughter,_ she thought to herself. "Sometimes? What does that mean?" Cecily asked, desperately trying to suppress the voice inside that wanted to scream at her as she spoke. "Does that mean the other times you want to be a… _a boy_?"

Anna nodded, then took a thoughtful look. She cocked her head to the side, "well, not exac—" Anna didn't get to finish, for she was cut off by her mother.

"Anna, this isn't right. This isn't making sense." Cecily claimed, rubbing her temples with her fingertips. "You want to be a girl, you want to be a boy; you don't want to be a boy, neither a girl, nothing!"

Anna shook her head, trying to add in her views of herself. "That's not entirely tr—"

"Anna, you are my daughter. My _daughter!_ You're not like Christopher, _he's_ my _son_. Yet you make it as if that's what you want. There isn't any sense to what you want." Cecily interrupted –again. She was growing angry, her blue eyes were blue fire, and her hands were fumbling with each other in her lap.

"If you just _listen_ to what I have to say, maybe it would!" Anna vociferated, followed by a groan of frustration. Anna was staring into her mother's eyes, emerald against sapphire.

"Then say it." Cecily tempted.

Anna took a deep breath. "It is a bit difficult to explain, but if you could please try to listen," she looked up at her mother, who nodded her head stiffly. "I will try keeping it as simple. It's almost as if I feel as if I don't belong to either most times." she started, taking another look at her mother. Another deep breath and Anna went on, "there are days that I may feel a bit more like a girl, days I feel like a boy, or neither. That's how it is most times. _Neither._ "

Cecily held her hands together tight, trying not to say anything. She was going to stay silent. She knew if she opened her mouth, Anna would reject her. Cecily needed to process the words. Meanwhile, Will was looking at his niece with a smile. He leaned closer to her and whispered: "I knew you could do it, good job _cariad._ " He congratulated, using the Welsh endearment her mother commonly used with her and her brother.

After sitting silently, Cecily let a few words slip, "this isn't who you are supposed to be," she whispered, her tone laced with annoyance.

Anna looked up at her mother with a crestfallen expression. She'd had a small bubble of hope, and now, it had just popped. Will, noticing the disappointed look on his niece's face, knew he needed to speak up. "Cecy, it may not be who you want her to be but you must put what Anna wants before what you do. You need to think of her, how this affects _her_ too _._ "

"Not when she makes a disgrace of herself, going out in men's clothing and being with women! Just think of all the teasing that will come if she keeps doing it!" Cecily exclaimed.

Anna felt tears coming back, pulling her knees up to her chest, and her feet on the edge of the sofa. Will shook his head at his sister, who was now sitting cross-legged on the plush sofa. "Don't you dare tell me about the impending teasing. Do you know how much Jamie has been bothered by other children; how afraid we are for him at school? You have to think about that, make the best choice for them, be it sending them out, or even simply trying to understand. James has been upset before, been quiet, and been in low mood. But Anna," he gestured to her, she was leaning back into the sofa, letting it absorb her form. "Before now, she's been as happy as ever, smiles all the time. So happy being with who she—"

"But who is she!?" Cecily screamed, clenching her teeth as she did.

Right then, as Cecily yelled once again, Anna jumped up. "I am still Anna! I'm still your child! I'm just different! Mama, I'm not a whole new person, I'm still Anna!" she insisted, tears now freely flowing from her emerald eyes.

Cecily looked away from her daughter, shaking her head. " _No, Anna was my daughter,"_ Cecily choked out, her voice breaking.

At that, Anna was done with it all. She began walking to the room's exit. Will stood up, stepping after her, but when she heard his footsteps, she began walking faster. She ran from the room and down a hall way. Will looked back to his sister, disappointed. A door slammed, and Cecily finally looked up. Will shook his head disapprovingly at his sister, "Cecy, you must _try_ to understand how hard this is on her."

Cecily simple looked down at her hands resting on her lap, and sighed. She just wanted to go somewhere she could be alone, somewhere that she could start again, go back in time, and maybe not even have kids. She wouldn't be in this spot. Not have problems with Anna, not even _have_ Anna. She tried to imagine a life without her daughter, no Anna running around when she was young, causing trouble, her fits of laughter. Cecily could only think good things, but they were all so long ago.

* * *

 **A/N. And the award for the worst mother of the year at the moment, goes to none other than Cecily Lightwood! I really hope you guys liked the chapter! If you have any questions/comments/whatever else, I'd love if you would leave them in a review! Next chapter will be up in about a week or so. I've been busy doing stuff with my life, and have some things I need to sort out this week, so I may not update for a bit... I hope that isn't a problem or inconvenience for anyone! I love you guys so, so much 3**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N. Yay! New chapter! I hope you all like this one! I had so many feels writing it... I love this chapter. I hope you guys have as many feels while reading it as I did writing it!**

 **Responses:**

 ** _isabellaluvsrpattz:_ Aweh, I'm glad that you like it so far! And hey, I think this chapter will be exactly what you've been waiting for...  
**

 ** _Guest:_ Awweh, I am so happy that you are enjoying this story. And hey, another queer over here! (Genderqueer zhe/zir or they/them) I am extra super happy to see that there's responses from an open queer reader! I totally feel Anna's prejudices too... It inspired me to write this story :P And I hope that this fits your needs!**

 ** _RowanWhitethorn22:_ Cecily's reaction, -though not ideal- definitely was how I feel like someone of this time period would act, yeah, I very much agree. I can't wait to know more about Anna in TLH, she has got to be my favourite new-coming character!  
**

* * *

Her thoughts were interrupted by a door opening and shutting. The words: _"I'm home!"_ chimed through the room. She sat still and waited for Gabriel to walk in. When he waltzed into the drawing room, he smiled at his wife. His face turned sour at the moment he caught the sight of Will. "What on earth is he doing here?" Gabriel asked, his tone annoyed. "First he steals the carriage again, and now he is in our home," he scoffed.

"Always a pleasure Lightworm," said Will, a smile on his face, pleased with having already bothered Gabriel without even saying a word.

Matters turned serious when Cecily spoke up from her spot on the sofa where she was now leaning against the arm rest, her legs pulled up, balancing on the edge of the soft material, "I invited him," she sighed, "I needed his help."

"With what? I could have helped, I know much more than _him._ " Gabriel sneered, glaring at Will.

"Believe me, Gabriel, no one can help with this anymore." Cecily shook her head. Gabriel shot her a confused expression. "Nobody can help Anna."

"Where is she?" he asked, coming over to sit next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

"Don't even bother with her," Cecily grumbled, shuffling closer to him. Glancing briefly over to Will, she could see he was slightly uncomfortable with them being so close, but he put it aside.

"What's wrong with Anna? Where is she?" Gabriel asked again, his eyes serious as he tilted his head, guiding Cecily's face to face him.

Cecily turned her face away, and looked down at the floor. "She's in her room."

"And, what is wrong with that? Why do you make this seem as if it is a problem, Cecy?" he asked, gently moving a lock of hair away from the side of her face, so he could better look into her eyes.

She tried not to snap, tried to remain calm. Cecily took a deep breath, she wasn't going to take this out on Gabriel. He didn't deserve what Anna had done to make her so angry. _But it wasn't Anna's fault_ , a little voice in her head whispered. With a deep breath, she finally spoke, "Anna was being difficult, and it's all right now."

Will shook his head at Cecily, "stop lying, Cecily."

"No one brought you into this, _Heronfail_ ," Gabriel spat, glaring at Will.

"Anna wasn't the one being difficult." Will muttered.

"Then I don't suppose it was Cecily's fault that my daughter is upset," Gabriel retorted.

Cecily shrunk herself smaller, and nestled herself closer to her husband, trying to hide within his gentle arms. She was done with this subject for the day. No more would be said. Anna was going to be whom she always had been, and it was final.

* * *

Anna sat alone in her room, curled up on her bed in a ball. She wasn't planning on leaving her room anytime soon, either. Her mother was not ever going to change her mind. It upset Anna that her mother, –the woman she looked up to, her bravery, confidence— was trying too hard to shut Anna down. She always had though her much different. If it was possible, Anna felt like she might implode; possibly even explode. She was so full of rage, so full of hate, confusion, so full of such a _dysphoria._ She hadn't thought people her age, or people like her could have so much pain, felt in such a short life. Anna knew who she wanted to be. But yet, her mother kept making her second guess what she truly wanted. _You don't fit to be a boy, neither a girl,_ the voice in the back of her mind urged. _You can be whatever. You don't_ have _to fit into these standards. Who's stopping you?_

Anna let out a loud groan, "shut up, will you?" she demanded at her mind, willing herself to stop thinking –unsuccessfully. She rolled onto her back, sprawling out, and looking up at the ceiling of her room, "this is all so confusing," she muttered to herself. Anna looked around her room, pale greyish walls, dull colours all around, save the few touches of lilac on her bed and curtains. She looked over to her wardrobe, one door open, and the other shut. She could see skirts and dresses hanging inside, a corset or two for when she had to _fancy-up_ , and not embarrass her mother in the company of other people.

A loud bang distracted her mind from further wandering, but she had decided to ignore it. _Everyone ignores me, why should I occupy myself with this?_ She stood up, glancing through the crack between the door and its frame. There wasn't anything that seemed unusual in the hallway. The loud noise was soon followed by a startling silence. Anna waited, and waited.

She was growing slightly worried. Before, she could hear the sounds of her mother and uncle speaking, but it was unintelligible. Later, she heard her father return home, instead of running out to see him, she stayed in her room… all until the loud bang came along.

She opened her door, carefully. Anna crept out, down the hall, and just outside of the drawing room, where no one could see her. She stood and listened, but there wasn't a sound to be heard. She wanted to go in, but something in her mind was telling her to return to her room, and that there was nothing wrong.

However, she was born with the stubbornness of her mother. She went in, around the corner and quickly peeked inside, before pulling away. She had seen her father standing in the room, his arms crossed over his chest. Anna wasn't sure if he had seen her, and she hoped he hadn't. She should have listened to her conscience and went back to the isolation of her room. When she finally did, she opened and closed her door as silently as possible. She was not letting anyone know that she had come out.

Taking a few steps, she went over to the full length mirror in the corner if her room. With a deep breath, she took off the jacket she was wearing, unbuttoned the shirt she had stolen from her father, and dropped them to the floor. Anna was left with the bandage that she had wrapped around her chest. A deep breath, and she began unwrapping the tight material that bound her breasts. Unravelling it, her chest was set free, and she looked at herself. She loathed her breasts, whereas most of her lady friends wished they had larger ones. Anna cupped her breasts, pushing them into her chest, trying to make them disappear. Turning to her side, Anna let them go, as she checked herself out in the mirror, she didn't mind big breasts, but not so much on herself.

It made her feel trapped. As if she was born in the wrong body. Binding them away was an annoying part of her routine. It shortened her breath, and left them feeling too heavy when she would decide not to bind. Sometimes she would fall asleep, praying to the angel that she would wake up with a smaller chest, maybe even a whole new body. There were many nights she would fall asleep, tears in her eyes, her face buried in her pillow to muffle the sobs she let out, it was a tough fight on those nights.

She heard footsteps coming down the hall. Panicking, she jumped into her bed and puled the blankets up to her shoulders, wrapping herself within their warmth. There was a knock at her door, followed by her father speaking: "Anna, I know you're in there. Anna, open the door," he asked, gently.

"Go away, I don't want to talk!" she yelled back. It wasn't entirely a lie, she didn't mind if she had to; however, she _really_ didn't want to explain why she was half naked in her bed.

"I don't need you to talk, I just want you to listen," he explained, his voice raised, only to be heard through the thick wood.

"If it's anything concerning _your wife_ , then go away," she declared, refraining from calling Cecily her mother –she had lost that title by now. Looking around the floor nearby her, hoping to find a shirt, or anything to cover herself with if he came in.

"Anna Lightwood, do not refer to your mother like that," he shouted, a bit of anger lacing his words.

Anna searched around her room, quickly checking under her bed, and finding a camisole. She knew her father would barge in if she let out another slip of tongue. She quickly slipped it on and waited for another comment from her father.

"Anna, don't give me silence when I'm speaking to you!"

"But you said earlier _'I don't need you to talk, I just want you to listen'_ " she remarked, earning a disgruntled groan from her father. Anna knew, she had pushed one too many of his buttons.

"Anna, open the door, now please," her father warned, his voice becoming scary-calm.

"It's not locked, and since I can't do _anything_ without offending someone, you may as well do it yourself," she mumbled, curling up into a ball on her bed, feeling small.

Hearing Anna's voice sadden, become quieter, made Gabriel feel as if he were the one who pushed the other too far. She never gave up on things so quickly when she wanted her space. This was odd, even for Anna.

* * *

 **A/N. Well, that was chapter three... and I made new plans for the fate of this story, and I think it's gonna be more than five chapters... So, in celebration of that, A new chapter will be released when/if I get three more review for this chapter! (7 total reviews) I will release chapter four by next week if I don't get the reviews, so don't worry. I won't be like that and not update. However... reviews help me write (yes, that sounds like a lie, but it's true) I see a review, and think "damn, someone's reading your stuff... write more to satisfy them!" so that's that... Also, if you ever have a question that you'd rather discuss without being publically answered, or just wanna ever talk, PM me, or even email me if you want (email address of profile page!)  
**

 **Once again, if you didn't read the previous note... NEW CHAPTER AT 7 TOTAL REVIEWS! _(Yes, screaming that was necessary.)_**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N. Wow, I got those reviews a lot faster than I thought! I love you guys so much 3 I don't have much to say about this chapter, so here are the review responses.**

 **Responses:**

 _ **BooksLove1999:**_ **G** **lad you love it! I hope you like this chapter too!**

 _ **Guest:**_ **Glad that you loved it too! And now, more writing :P**

 _ **isabellaluvsrprattz:**_ **Gabriel in my view is totally an understanding guy... You shall defiantly see him more as the story goes! Also, glad that you also liked the last chapter!**

* * *

Gabriel opened the door, walking in to see her curled up on her bed, bed sheets, and blankets completely covering her. He went over and sat on the edge of the bed, turning on an angle to face her. "Anna," his voice was calm as he spoke her name. "Can you please stop hiding from me?"

She poked her head out from under the blankets. She looked up at him, green eyes meeting green eyes. "I'm sorry," she apologized, despite not having much reason to.

Gabriel shook his head at his daughter, a light smile on his face, "you have no reason to be. You haven't done wrong." He claimed, brushing her dark hair away from her face.

"Then why are you here to lecture me?"

Her father chuckled, "Anna, I'm not angry at you –save the few comments you let out earlier— but that's not why I came here," he explained, running a hand through his brown hair.

Anna watched as he did, wishing she had shorter hair. It was the little things that she saw, her brother and father's hair, their clothing they were free to wear without criticism, the way they could freely love women without getting a great many looks of confusion and fright.

She remembered one time when she had been in London for the whole summer, visiting Uncle Will, Auntie Tessa and her cousins, she had been out and met a few mundane girls. Over the course of two weeks, she began casually going out with one of the girls she fancied, they held hands walking through the park, despite being only fourteen at the time. There had been an elderly lady who had stopped them and told them that they would be going to hell for their relations with each other. Anna didn't believe it, but the girl, who was just a mundane, raised in a very religious family, became frightened. She had told Anna several weeks later that they could no longer see each other, and that her family had found out what she was hiding. Anna was devastated, she had fallen for the girl. Her first taste of love, taken away right as she had her first piece.

With a heavy sigh, and a faded memory, Anna shook her head at herself. She looked up, remembering that her father had come into the room. "Off to dream land, are we?" he asked, the corners of his lips turning up in a smirk.

"Not like Christopher's dream land, but yes." she confirmed.

At the mention of his son, Gabriel let out another chuckle, "no one's dream land is quite like his, I must admit."

"Maybe Uncle Henry's is," Anna suggested, with a giggle. Her father laughed at her words, she did have a point, he thought. Hearing Anna laugh, even something as small as a giggle made him happy. It had been awhile since he had heard it. She rarely smiled anymore, especially around her mother.

"Now, it has been a fun time laughing, but now I wish to move on to the reasons why I came here," Gabriel reminded.

Anna's face turned sour at the mention of serious talk. "What have I done this time?"

"Nothing on your part. It's just that… Well, something happened," Gabriel told, his expression dropping to a lower and disappointed tone.

Noticing her father's saddening expression, she turned to him, moving to sit closer to him. "Papa, what happened? Is everything all right?" she asked, growing concerned.

Raking his hand through his hair, Gabriel let out a sigh, "we aren't sure."

"What happened?" Anna asked again, growing more afraid.

"Your mother—"

"I don't have a mother," Anna claimed, her tone turning sour.

"You may not anymore. She left." Gabriel said, biting his lip.

Despite being in a long, on-going fight with her mother, Anna was worried. This had never happened, of all the times Anna upset her mother with her existence, this was not going well. "What do you mean?"

Gabriel took a rattled breath, "she simply up and left. I… She's gone." Gabriel put his head in his hands, shutting his eyes, trying to hold back tears. He would not let them fall infront of his daughter.

"Is she coming back?" Anna asked, her breath shallowing.

"I don't know," he replied, taking a fast breath.

Anna felt tears beginning to sting the backs of her eyes, she could feel the sobbing slowly approaching. "Why aren't we going out to find her?"

No longer caring about crying infront of his daughter, Gabriel let the tears he had been suppressing flow. He wasn't exactly sure why he didn't answer her question right away, he finally did, still not meeting eyes with Anna. "Your uncle went after her moments after. After I came home, we had a long conversation, and she grew frustrated as we tried to explain why she was being unreasonable. She stood up and stomped out of the room, slamming the door outside to leave. We weren't sure what she was doing, but when we saw her taking one of the horses, they bolted fast as ever." Taking a deep breath, he continued, "Will and I stood completely astonished with what just happened. We panicked, unsure of what to do. Your uncle –being the _superior_ rider— decided he would go after her, and I stay back, talk to you about it."

Not knowing what to say was the first problem Anna had. The next was not knowing why she would do this. Sure, Cecily had gotten mad at Anna before, but this time was worse. However, she hadn't ever left before. Anna was afraid. She went back to her previous point of, _I can't ever do anything right._

Anna crawled back under her blankets, hiding her entire being, and lying face down on a pillow. She allowed herself to cry. She had never felt so scared for her mother. Not ever. It was scary, losing someone who raised you to be who you are, even if they didn't like the result.

"Anna, come back out here," her father instructed, his tone serious.

She shook her head, not wanting to reappear ever again. She had ruined everything, and this time she wasn't sure if it could ever be fixed. If she could disappear off the face of the Earth, she knew that she would take the chance without a second guess. Who she was had ruined so much. It had taken her mother away, embarrassed countless people, and left her confused. She realized with a sinking feeling, this was all her fault. It always was. _"It's all my fault,"_ Anna sobbed, feeling her father pull the blankets away from her, rubbing her back.

"Anna, don't blame yourself for this," he begged, keeping hold on her, hoping to try soothing her. To his surprise, Anna came out from her hiding spot, and crawled into his lap, curling into his arms as if she were just a young child again. He had missed that, when the kids were younger, more attached, when the family didn't fall apart every few days because of something one member or another said in the family. Gabriel stroked his daughter's back, brushed her hair away from her face. She had tears on her face, and sobs were wracking her body.

"It's my fault she left. I was a mistake, she never wanted me. She doesn't love me, no one does," Anna cried, burying her face in her father's chest.

Gabriel held her close, kissing the top of her head. "Anna, you were never a mistake. I love you, mum loves you, don't ever think otherwise, don't ever say that. We love you so much." Gabriel soothed, holding her tighter, trying to take all the self-loathing away from her.

"Papa, I can't breathe," Anna coughed, wiggling free from her father's tight embrace.

Gabriel let out a strained chuckle, loosening his grip, "sorry, Anna. Habit. I don't want to you to think about yourself like that, don't think that you aren't loved."

Anna look in a few deep breaths, but her tears still flowed as her sobs slowed down, "but she hates me."

"Anna don't say that. Don't. Please, never think that of your mother." He begged, shaking his head. "Look, Anna. I lost my mother when I was very young. I overlooked her. I never showed her how much I cared about her, I knew she loved me, my brother, and our sister, but I never thought twice about it. When she died—" Gabriel's breath hitched as he spoke. He paused, taking a breath before continuing. "When she died, I never knew how much I would miss her. It was the scariest thing I ever felt. I never realized how morbid the truth of her death was, and it tore me to shred finding out the sickening truth—"

"Are you telling me mum's going to die!?" Anna exclaimed, horrified.

Gabriel was taken aback, "by the Angel, no, of course not! My point was, despite what you think, you need your mother, and she needs you. No matter how you think she feels about you, you need to care about her while you still have her. She may have left, but I know that she will come back. But you need to show her how much you care. I will not let you grow up without a mother." He was on the brink of more tears, but he held them back. _Not twice in one day…_

The Lightwoods were disrupted by another loud bang, and fast footsteps coming down the hall. Gabriel stood up and Anna sat on her bed. The door handle turned and when the door swung open, Will came running in. "By the angel, what was that about?" Gabriel inquired, scrunching his eyebrows together.

"Cecily… she… went… give me a moment…" Will said, between long breaths. He breathed heavily, gasping for air, trying to regain his breath. "Cecily took a… a portal, and it… it shut before… before I could follow her…"

"What!?" Gabriel exclaimed, fury rushing through his veins. "How could you let my wife go!?"

Clearing his throat, Will shot a glare at Gabriel. "She is also, coincidentally, my sister; you do realize that, correct?" Will asked, rhetorically, his breathing restored to a regular pace. "Besides, I couldn't even catch up with her. That horse is fast," Will remarked, nodding absentmindedly.

"Mum's gone?" Anna asked, helplessly from her spot on her bed. "Where is she?" She was growing more, and more concerned, scared for what may happen.

* * *

 **A/N. _Dun Dun Dun!_ Where's Cecily gone off to? Why did she leave? (Well, you guys probably know _that_ one...) Why did she go so suddenly? Omg, the possibilities are endless! Next chapter will be up in a week... Enough time for the suspense to slowly kill you inside!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N. Sorry I didn't update the other day! This website is a bit glitchy sometimes... It wasn't letting me submit the new chapter into my database, blah blah, whatever. Anyways, here is chapter 5!**

 **Responses:**

 _ **RowanWhitethorn22:**_ **Aweh, thanks! And,** **I totally see Gabriel kind of as 'the cool parent' especially because he had such a strict and horrible parent that he would never want his own children to think that they in any way live life wrong.**

 _ **BooksLove1999:**_ **Ahh, yes intensity is my specialty :P And now about Cecily... well... looks like you get to read to find out!**

* * *

"Oh, Anna," Gabriel made his way back to his daughter, sitting next to her. "Calm down, sweetheart." He put his arm around her shoulder, and she gratefully leaned into her father. "We will find her," he kissed her forehead. "I know we will."

Anna shook her head. "I just want to start this life again. Go back to when I was a baby. Be the girl she wanted." she claimed, before continuing "none of this would have ever happened if I was the child she wanted."

Will noticed the fear and rejection in Anna's words. He knew how it felt in some way, not knowing what was happening to loved ones, "Anna, it will be all right." Will sympathized, sitting on her other side.

Anna felt her pent up rage growing by the second. She had had it with everyone telling her such things. "Stop lying to me! She hates me, this is all my fault! I am a failure, I am unwanted!" Anna wailed, tears freely flowing from her eyes. "She left because she hates me! She left because I am a mistake that she doesn't want! I should have been the one to leave," she went on, self-hatred coursing through herself.

"No! Anna, you are staying here. You will not run away, you will not keep saying that you are unwanted. You are not a mistake, you are not a failure. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault," her father promised, looking her dead in the eyes. "Anna, please, don't blame yourself."

"Can I be alone?" she whimpered, looking down at her hands.

Her father nodded, "of course." He said, standing up. He gave her one last kiss on the forehead, before walking to the door frame. Her uncle followed suit, and the door was shut.

Anna laid down on her bed, putting her face back into her pillow for what felt like the millionth time. She let herself break, and didn't care who was listening. She kept growing angrier at herself. She had first upset her mother, and it feels as though she has now upset her father. _You can't do a single thing right_ , the little voice taunted, making her scream. She wanted her emotions to go away. They were being unreasonably loud in her head, causing her to be confused as to which one she should listen to. Her thoughts were running rampant in her head, she was tempted to bang it against the wall to slow them down.

* * *

Gabriel and Will stood just outside Anna's door, as they quietly talked to one another. They could hear the muffled cries and sobs coming from Anna's room, and Will could see it was taking quite a toll on him. From personal experience with James especially, he could feel the ache in his heart that comes from your own child, blaming themselves, hating themselves, and letting their rage spill down their cheeks in a river of tears.

Gabriel sauntered down the hall, away from Anna's door. He felt helpless, she needed someone, and he couldn't be the one to save her. He heard Will behind him, and soon felt a hand on his shoulder. He was surprised that Will was showing such a gesture, considering the animosity they shared between one another at most times. "Anna will be all right, you just need to give her time," Will assured.

With a heavy sigh, Gabriel nodded, "it's just so difficult sometimes. Cecy and Anna, this happens almost daily. They fight. But it's never ended like this." he confided, shaking his head. "I only want them to get on better. Anna has been hurting, as has Cecily. And it tears me down every time," confessed Gabriel.

Will dropped his hand from his shoulder, feeling as though the contact had been growing slightly awkward. "It's getting late, I ought to head back soon. I will keep looking for Cecily as I go, and if anything comes up, I will let you know."

"Stay here then," Gabriel was shocked at the words that came from his mouth. _Did you just invite William Herondale to stay in your home!?_ A voice in the back of his mind exclaimed, just as confused as he was.

Will, just as surprised as Gabriel, accepted, knowing it would be easier. "We can find clues around, search until I have to leave. I don't want to stay too long. Maybe until tomorrow. But whatever you do, do not leave Anna alone." Will explained sternly. "Her mind is not in a place where she should be alone more than she already is."

Gabriel nodded, "I guess it's a plan then." He extended his hand. Will took grip, before they let their hands fall. "There's a spare room, second door on the right."

* * *

In the morning, when Anna awoke from her restless sleep, the house felt empty. There was no smell of breakfast being made early in the morning, she couldn't hear her brother working in his room with –whatever he used exactly. It felt lonely.

Rolling out of bed, Anna dragged her feet as she walked to her wardrobe. She opened it all the way, searching for anything other than a dress. Near the back, she found a pale blue buttoned shirt, and a pair of black trousers. She went over to infront of her mirror, picking up the bandage that she had thrown on the ground last night. She tossed them onto her bed, and went to a small drawer and pulled out her underclothes.

After changing into them, she put on her trousers, and grabbed her bandage. She began wrapping her breasts, binding them away, and securing it with a hair pin that she ran through the sides of the wrapping. She put on her shirt, buttoning it up, leaving the ends out for the moment. After considering putting on her blazer, she decided against it, seeing as she would not be going anywhere right away.

Checking herself over in the mirror one more time, Anna left her room, heading to the kitchen. Since her mother wasn't around to make breakfast, she figured that she may as well try to make something herself. Searching cupboards, she found bread, and figure toast was always a great way to start a day. Making it, exactly wasn't as easy. She wished that they still had a cook, or a maid that they had years ago when she and Christopher were younger. Mother always said that as they grew older, they would no longer require the extra help; but Anna was sure it was something to do with them being uncomfortable around her, so uncomfortable in fact, that they had refused to continue working for them.

Anna was never entirely sure how an oven worked entirely, and she wasn't really in the mood of setting the house on fire –that was Christopher's job— that she went against using it. Having not a single idea of how she would exactly warm the bread, she scowered the kitchen cupboards for something _else_ to eat.

Footsteps padding down the hall distracted her from her search. She was expecting her father, but was surprised by the appearance of her uncle. "I thought you left," Anna observed, cocking her head to the side.

"Well, good morning to you too." He chuckled, a grin on his lips.

Anna shook her head, her hair fanning out around her as she did, "sorry. I was a bit put off by you, I was expecting my father," Anna muttered.

Will came closer to his niece, putting a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him with curious eyes. "Anna, are you all right?" Will asked, his eyes softening.

Anna nodded, her head, "I'm fine," she lied, her voice wavering. She could tell by the look that her Uncle Will gave her, he knew that she was lying.

"I see," he said with a nod. If Anna didn't want to talk about it, he wasn't going to force her. Will decided that he would change the topic, noticing Anna looking a bit uncomfortable. "Do you know what we will be doing on this fine Thursday?"

Anna smiled to that, "we always go for a walk on Thursdays!" Anna exclaimed. She always liked going for walks. It gave her space to breathe, look around the Shadowhunters' homeland. Her face fell at thinking of the family walks, it wouldn't be much of a family without brother, but especially without her mother.

* * *

Cecily wandered aimlessly. She wasn't sure how she ended up in Wales. It just happened. She walked the trails, recognizing the area soon after she arrived. This was where she grew up. Where she, Will, Ella and her parents used to live. She walked up a road, leading to the old house that Cecily used to call home.

A flood of memories ran through when she approached the large estate. She remembered her and her older siblings running and playing games outside in the sun, she saw the bedroom window that lead to her old room, where she remembered Will dropping her porcelain dolls from when he would get very angry with her; there were so many bittersweet things about this house. The little garden she and Ella always helped their mother with, was withered and dead, no one left to care for it.

Temptation took control of her, and she went inside the house. She looked all around, not much having changed. It was surprising, she was certain whoever owned the home after them would have changed it… unless there was something else that had happened to the place. Walking up the stairs, Cecily entered her old room, dust gathered all over the empty shelves, a bed with torn sheets, cobwebs in all corners of the room. She remembered having a special spot in the floor boards she would often sneak extra food into, hide things she didn't want Will to steal and ruin. Cecily walked over near the wall, and kneeled down under the window. She felt around on the floor boards, trying to find the loose one. Knocking, pushing the boards, trying to find something unusual. When she finally found it, she lifted the old dusty board off and looked inside. It was full of dust, cobwebs, and smaller wreckage brought throughout the years.

Cecily reached in, revealing a small photograph. Her eyes welled up with tears, as she was brought back in time, to a better time, as she gazed upon it. Her brother and sister were sitting next to each other, Cecily on Ella's lap, leaning slightly towards Will. Her parents were kneeling behind them, one arm wrapped around one another, and the other arm draped over either Will or Ella's shoulder. Holding in the position for so long was a tough thing, but it was worth it, seeing everyone looking so happy. By the looks of it, Cecily would have been about three, Will: five, and Ella: eight. She hadn't seen Ella in such a long time, Cecily was ashamed to admit she had almost forgotten what she looked like. However, she could now fully see what people meant when they would say that Will and she resembled a great deal. It was true, they had very similar facial structure and of course, they had both inherited their mother's black hair and had the same violet-blue eyes.

She thought about the time, such, a great many years before, how everyone was still together, all still around. With great disappointment, it hit Cecily that the only two still alive were her and Will. Their parents had died several years ago, leaving Cecily feeling as if another part of her was missing. She lost so much family, and didn't want to risk losing more.

* * *

 **A/N. SH!T GETS REAL! Damn, I loved writing that... I hope you guys liked it too! I love it when you guys review, tell me how the chapter was! Any assumptions for the next chapter? Anything unclear? Leave your questions and comments in the reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N. Sorry that I took so long to update! I have been... well... not well. Anxiety attacks have been worse, and I kinda left a rant in my A/N at the botom, if you wouldn't mind reading and helping me out after you read this chapter, I would greatly appreciate that! Now, onto responses and then the chapter! I really hope you guys like this chapter!**

 **Responses:**

 _ **BooksLove1999:**_ **Oh gosh *hides behind laptop* you're too kind! I hope you enjoy this chapter as you did the last!  
**

* * *

When Gabriel woke up, the bed felt empty without his wife. He had hoped that this was all a crazy dream, and that everything was all right. To his dismay, it wasn't. Cecily was still gone, and Anna was a wreck, and Herondale was in his house. He shuddered slightly as he thought of the last one.

After he dressed, Gabriel wandered out into the kitchen, seeing Anna and Will standing in the middle of the room, half of the cupboards open. "What was going on in here?" he asked, going around to shut the cupboards.

"I was hungry, and I didn't know how to make much. Mama never taught me how to cook as well as she could," Anna sighed, shrugging her shoulders.

Will smiled sadly at that, Cecily was always in the kitchen when she wasn't with him or their sister. She loved to help their mother, who always insisted on making her own meals every now and then. The memory vanished from his mind when Anna tapped him on the shoulder.

"Were you listening?" she asked, arching an eyebrow quizzically at her uncle.

Gabriel sighed, shaking his head, "of course not, Anna. He only listens to himself," he accused.

"I apologize," Will sneered, glaring at Gabriel. "I seem to have gotten lost within my own thoughts," he claimed, squinting his eyes at Gabriel.

"Well then, I don't suppose you would—"

"Father, stop pestering Uncle Will," Anna cut in, stopping her father mid-sentence. "I know you don't like each other very much, you do not need to pretend. But you both have something in common. Mother. You both want to find her, as do I. Could you _please_ put this ridiculous argument aside for right now?"

Both Will and Gabriel were taken aback by Anna's words. Such a mature argument for a fifteen year old. "I suppose when you say it like that…" Will began, ignoring what Gabriel had been saying.

Anna smiled, a look of accomplishment spread on her face, "can we be going soon, then?" she asked, her gaze switching to her father.

"Where are we going?" Will asked, confused.

Gabriel let out a sigh, "walking. But not just for amusement today. We want to see if we can find anything that may give an idea to where Cecily went," he explained, leaning against a wall. "I know that it is unlikely we will find exactly where she had gone, but it can be at least a start."

"I will continue looking for her on my return," Will added, nodding his head.

Gabriel nodded, "thank you, Will. Thank you." He said, his voice sincere, and thankful.

Even though he considered a smart comment, Will bit it back. There wasn't any need to really thank him. Cecily was Will's sister. He had already lost one sister, he wasn't going to lose another. He gave Gabriel a smile, feeling a connection with him for once.

"All right, then," said Anna, "are we ready to go yet?" she asked, looking from her father to her uncle and back.

Gabriel nodded, "I don't see why not, we can be on our way soon," he said, meeting eyes with his daughter.

Anna looked down at her outfit, shaking her head. "Well, I need to change, don't I? If the case was that we found Mother, she would run at the sight of me in men's clothes. Give me a few minutes to change?"

"Be quick," Gabriel reminded as she quickly walked down to her room to change.

* * *

When the trio set out, they followed the path Will had said he saw Cecily go, trying to look around to see if she had possibly diverted his attention or if there had been another way that she may have gone. It began to feel hopeless as the day went on. No signs of anything, not a single person around all of Alicante had seen her since.

Everyone was growing tired. It had been two and a half hours of nonstop searching, and on an empty stomach.

Finally, Anna had had it. "Papa, I'm starved…" she complained, leaning up against a weapon shop's outside wall.

Gabriel nodded, "Anna, we all are. Wait another few minutes, we aren't done searching for your mother," he claimed while glancing at every woman with dark hair, anyone short like Cecily, any resemblance whatsoever, he was certain that he would find her.

"No. Uncle Will said it himself, she went through a portal. She isn't here. Not a single person out here has any idea of her whereabouts. _She's gone_." Anna stated firmly. She was just as upset about the disappearance of her mother as ever, but she knew, her mother wouldn't stay in Idris. She would have gone far away if she had taken a portal anywhere. But, the realization hadn't fully impacted her until she heard herself say the words aloud. None of them had any idea where she had gone, and neither an idea of how long before she came back… if she ever did.

Both men froze on spot. Anna seemed to have almost as much, if not more, sense to the situation as they had. They wouldn't be getting anywhere if they kept looking locally. More needed to happen. There had to be something _huge_ that they were missing.

* * *

Cecily had ended up staying in the old beaten down house overnight. When she awoke, she tucked the photo into the bodice of her dress. It felt like an old memory as she went down the halls, dragging her hands against the cracked drywall.

Each day, she would explore an old room from her childhood, trying not to overwhelm herself so much. She came across a room she recognised as being Will's old bedroom. When he ran away, they had left most of his room completely the same. It made their mother feel better, made her imagine that he was still here almost. She went inside, several items were strewn about on the floor. She looked around at the old walls, what used to be a soft brown, was now a sun-bleached beige colour. His old desk and bookcase were slightly rotted, but otherwise were in surprisingly decent condition. There were books on his desk, some still containing page markers.

She had memories of her running into her big brother's room when she would have nightmares, he would stay awake, while she snuggled next to him and tried to sleep, knowing he was there to protect her. She had done the same thing when Ella had died, she could never sleep alone for weeks after she was gone. She would end up running to Will's room in the middle of the night, or early morning, and one day, he wasn't there. She had lost the two people she looked up to for her entire life. It frightened her, she hadn't any idea where he had gone. She remembered running to her parents, screaming that Will was gone. They had searched the entire house before her father had said that Will had gone to the Shadowhunters.

Cecily's walk down memory lane was disturbed by her losing her footing and falling to the ground, failing to catch herself. She landed hard on her side, and had looked to see what she had tripped over. There was an old zoetrope sitting on its side. She picked it up, looking inside the small slots, seeing the image of a bird flying. She ignored the pain on her side, feeling the childhood memories run through her. It wasn't anything she wished to dwell on for long, as they turned darker and lonelier as the years passed.

She looked through some of the other things that had been left in Will's room. They hadn't dared change the way it had looked. It felt as if he were still around when they left things as they had been.

Going to his wardrobe, she opened the doors, and found a small basket sitting at the bottom, full of toys. She pulled it out, finding a box with other long strips of paper for the zoetrope, a bag of marbles, and a few of her doll shoes. She laughed at that, being reminded of him stealing her toys, and never being able to find them, convinced that he had thrown them into the fire.

* * *

The entire day, she went around Will's room and through his old things. She felt slightly guilty as it felt like an invasion of his privacy, but she knew that it wasn't. He hadn't lived here in years, and she hadn't either. Going through his room was something that she would never had been allowed to do as a child, for Will was always so mysterious, and liked to keep everything hidden, or in its place.

She had fallen asleep on the small bed in Will's old room, and in the morning, she woke up with a sore spine. She stretched and tried to shake it off, another pain striking through her stomach. She was hungry, she hadn't eaten in two days, and it was beginning to take its toll.

Getting up from her spot, she continued her adventure through the old house. The door at the end of the hallway belonged to her parents. She looking inside, but there was hardly much left inside. When they moved, they had left most things here, it seemed odd to see a room so empty. She looked back, there was one door that she had purposely ignored, but couldn't help go inside. Ella's room.

She went in, the once pink walls were now a faded rosy colour. The bed remained in the middle of the room. Ella's vanity desk in the corner, a diary sitting on top. Cecily found herself drawn to it. She went and sat at the vanity, opening up the leather bound journal, and flipping the pages open. Ella's calligraphic writing was scrawled across the pages, evolving from a messy childish hand to that of a delicate young lady's work. She stopped at a page that her own name was written near the top.

 _Cecily told me this afternoon while at her tea party that she was determined to have a big family. It was a fun time to listen to her babble on about her and the man she would marry, he would have to be like father, or Will because she had claimed that they were the "best in the world" She said that she wanted a daughter so badly, someone who she could dress up in pretty pink bows and dresses, plait her hair like I do with hers, and look "pretty like Mama" She would name her first daughter with a name like mine, the same middle letters, and an 'A' at the end. I thought perhaps 'Anna' would suit what she liked. She wrote the names beside each other and decided they were almost the same, and thought it was as pretty as I was. What a little gem she is! I always think that she would make an excellent mother. She was the sweetest and she loved her family without any doubt. Will is another story. If he can find a lady that likes books as much as he does, I think he will get on perfectly with her. I would love to find somebody one day who looks at me the way father looks at mother. Love clear in his eyes, and a feeling of admiration that follows. Mam always says to never overlook the lesser men. She said she thought that dad was an idiot when she first met him, but now they love each other so much. Today I am only 12, but I know that everything will be perfect one day. I will have little children, I do not care if I have a boy or a girl first, or what I end up with. I want a family like the one I have now. I would name my little babies after Cecy and Will, maybe. I will love them very much, and I hope they would love me too, because family always is there for each other. I know Will and Cecy and I fight sometimes, but we are always all right with each other in the end because we are family. We all love each other no matter what._

Cecily found tears in her eyes by the time that she had stopped reading. She had almost forgotten how the name for her daughter had come about, forgot this conversation with her sister. She never knew Ella had such plans for her life. She hadn't realized that Ella loved her family so much. She wasn't one to be openly affectionate, at least not that Cecily remembered. She read the last lines over and over. _Family is always there for each other._ Cecily shook her head at herself. She was failing on that. She was never there, never supporting enough. She felt all these words hitting her like a train.

Who ever knew Ella had been so wise? Ella could see that, to Cecily, family was the most important thing to her, and then it hit her, stronger than it ever had before. She had ruined what she wanted, all these things that she had planned or her life, were being thrown away. Cecily always wanted a perfect family, and she finally saw… She did indeed have it.

* * *

 **A/N. I really hope that you guys liked that! I got so many feels, and I hope you all did too!  
**

 **Off topic little rant, any advice would be cool, or just anyone to tell me about this would be great... I guess some of you know by now that I've been going through a rough time, and been questioning myself. I thought I was gay, then bi, or pan. Then, after some time, maybe demisexual, or asexual even... I've been so lost and tomorrow I am visiting my grandparents who think that I am a _heterosexual_ _girl_. I have been questioning my gender identity as well as sexuality and have debated between being transgender, or genderqueer. I have no idea what to do about this. I don't know how or if I should come out to them about anything, I'm so lost and confused. I don't want to be who they think I am. They never liked me much anyways, and I know that they say before they speak and judge before they hear reason. It really hurts me in a lot of ways, just knowing how they've treated me before it terrifies me to see them tomorrow. If any of you have any advice of how to approach this, or try to keep from letting myself ruin this trip for my family, I would be so happy.  
**

 **Thanks for reading the chapter, and my rant 3 I love you guys!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N. First, I would like to say that I am sorry for taking so long to update... second, I will have an update of how my trip was last week because I've had a lot of you guys ask, and instead of individually responding, I decided to just write it all out in the bottom author's note. And third...**

 **Responses:**

 _ **Guest:**_ **My grandparents ((and most of my family)) are pretty intrusive in my life, so I knew they would ask me about a bunch of these things. But, the way you worded that really gave me a second look at the situation, thanks!**

 _ **BooksLove1999:**_ **#1) thanks! And, I'm glad I could convey such feels! #2) I tried my best to fly under the radar about it and just keep to myself with the topic. I went with your second suggestion, really.  
**

 _ **RowanWhitethorn22:**_ **Aweh, thanks, I'm glad you liked the chapter! I had fun writing from different perspectives, actually. It was a fun time!**

 _ **AlyAlyAly:**_ **I did mention it to you earlier, but I will actually say it again for other people's reference if they wonder... They don\t have servants because the attitude and behaviour of Anna made their previous servants so uncomfortable that they left... Also, in my opinion, I feel like Cecily and Gabriel want to try and stay close to their children, and not have a bunch of people to look after their kids.  
**

* * *

Days later, after the long search for clues or any trail of his sister, Will had begun his journey back to his home in the London Institute. Over the past stressful days, he had let it slip his mind to inform Tessa that he would be staying in Idris longer than planned.

It wasn't a terrible surprise than when he arrived back home, his wife greeted him with a wide array of emotions. She had been terrified that he hadn't returned home, yet angry that he had scared her so much for nothing.

Will took his time explaining what had happened, and the result of Cecily running off, and ending up missing. Tessa could see that he was still distraught about it, and asked: "have you tried tracking her? I thought you were able to do that," Tessa questioned, tilting her head, curiously.

"We did try. I did, and nothing turned up." Will dismissed, shaking his head.

Tessa sighed, "I'm sorry, Will. But, I have no other ideas." Tessa shrugged, crossing her arms.

Suddenly, there was the sound of someone running down the staircase, and Lucie appeared behind her mother. She took a look at her father, and frowned. Her previous enthusiasm fading, "I thought Cordy was here," Lucie claimed, her tone slightly disappointed.

"Lucie! Is that any way to greet your father?" Tessa scolded, shaking her head at her daughter.

Lucie giggled "Hello Father, welcome home. Mother was terribly worried about you." Lucie said cheerfully. Tessa stared at her daughter, rolling her eyes in an unladylike gesture. "I think I will get back to my story, I will see you at lunch!" Lucie said, walking back off to the stairs, eager to continue her stories. She always loved to write, and she was quite good at it for a twelve year old.

Will smiled at his daughter, Lucie was always writing when she wasn't with her family, or causing trouble with Cordelia. She claimed that they would be _parabatai_ one day. Will was more than happy to hear that. Just like her father. _Parabatai_ with a Carstairs. He wondered if his son would ever find a _parabatai_.

* * *

Anna and her father remained worried sick about Cecily. It bothered Anna quite a bit, but not as much as it did to her father. In the mornings, he would come out, dark bags under his eyes, and always looking tired. He couldn't sleep, he said, because he was too worried about Cecily.

It had been just over a week since she had left when they received word from Cecily. Gabriel and Anna were overjoyed, nearly tearing the letter in attempts to open, and read it. The sat next to each other on the sofa, and began reading. The letter got straight to the point, as there was no addressing to either of them. It read:

 _I know that I have been away for some time, and I hope only that you could understand. Since I was young, I always had the idea of a perfect family, and I thought that it was being broken and torn down by those around me. In my selfish attempts to fix it, I considered leaving to restart. In my leave, I found wise words from an old friend. A sister, I should say. It reminded me how important family was to me, and it struck me then that I was the one ruining my own family. I am now on my way to join my brother and his family in the London Institute temporarily. I wish to seek out advice and the help I know that I need. I love you both very much. I love all of you with my whole heart._

 _Anna_ _, please forgive me. You are my daughter, my son, whatever it is you wish to call yourself. I love you. You are my world, and being away from you and your father has been hard. I never knew how much you built me up. I never thought about how much you hurt, how much you knew that I could never understand. I want to understand you so badly, Anna. I love you so dearly, and I am so incredibly sorry that I hurt you how I did. It was horrible, terrible, what I did. I want you to be yourself. I miss your smile, I miss your laughter. I don't want to force you to become someone that you are not. I love who you are, such a brave, strong, young woman. I apologize if that isn't what you would like to be called, I admire your strength. I could not understand what you felt inside, when I could only see who you were outside. From that, I have learned that there is so much more inside._

 _Gabriel_ _, I apologize for the choice words I let fly at you. I was stupid and selfish. If you could forgive me, I would be so happy. You are my love, my rock, and I miss you terribly. While I am away, remember that I love you, and never wished to leave you in the way that I did._

 _Christopher_ _, yes I know you are at the academy and will not get this, however I never say it enough to you. I love you, my son. You and your creative mind truly will help this lovely world that we are surrounded by. I know that one day, you and Uncle Henry will get along splendidly._

 _Part of myself was locked away, and I wish for you to forgive me for what I have done. I wish to have been able to turn back the clock, go and try this again. But without my lovely family, I have no idea where I would be._

 _In two days' time, I would like for you to come to London, where we can rebuild what has been broken. Almost like a bonding trip. Yes, we will be without Christopher, and before either of you think it, he is part of this family even when he is locked away with his devices and experiments. I want us to be the tight knit family that we once were. I don't want to hide from anything anymore._

 _With Great Love,  
Cecily._

By the end of the letter, Anna was in full out tears, and was leaning heavily into her father's shoulder. He had tears rolling down his cheeks, but more for the reason that he was so glad to have word from Cecily. Anna on the other hand, felt so much relief and also hurt.

It hurt that her mother had to tear herself apart to realize what had been going on, but so was so relieved. She was relieved that her mother still loved her, and that her mother would try to accept her. She felt her father wrap an arm around her shoulders, holding her close. "Anna, sweetheart, why are you crying?" he asked, brushing her loose hair from her face.

Anna smiled, but still shook with sobs. She was shaking her head, trying to communicate that it wasn't all bad. She took the letter, and pointed to the message to herself, her fingers tracing the lines _'I want you to be yourself'_ Anna took in a deep breath, "she has n-never wanted me b-before," she said between hitches in her before. _"But now she does."_

Gabriel read the line again, and kissed the top of her head. He wasn't going to try telling her that Cecily had always wanted Anna, because it wasn't entirely true. It wasn't exactly a lie either. Cecily wanted a daughter, one to dress in frilly dresses and cute bows and to actually _look_ like a girl. Instead, she had a child that she couldn't understand. An extraordinary child, with different traits that set her apart from the rest of the family. "You are what she wanted, she never knew until now," Gabriel claimed, giving her a side-ways hug as she remained next to him.

No words passed between the pair, but much emotions went around. Anna felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. A weight that had pushed her down for years, and years. She felt _free_. It was what she had always wanted, feeling free to be herself around her family. That would be a start, and it she hoped that it would only get better from there.

* * *

When the time came, Gabriel and Anna set off to London. It had been a long enough trip, and Anna was asleep when they arrived. Gabriel climbed out of the carriage and unloaded their luggage, and brought it into the foyer of the Institute, trying to keep quiet as it was late at night. There had been a few unexpected delays in their journey, causing them to arrive later than they had hoped.

Once Gabriel had brought everything in, he went back to wake up Anna. "Anna, we're here, wake up," he whispered, gently shaking her.

She responded with pushing her father's hand away from her shoulder, "I'm tired," she muttered.

Gabriel chuckled, shaking his head at his daughter, "Anna, you can sleep once we get inside. Come, sweetheart," he said, watching Anna's green eyes flutter open.

Sitting upright, she let her father help her out of the carriage. She yawned as they walked up the steps, and going inside.

The doors shut with a loud bang, and Anna flinched. It had woken her up pretty well. Her father winced, knowing he could have woken up half of the Institute. Ignoring the potential problem he may have caused, he helped Anna up another set of stairs and to a room.

He kissed her forehead, as he let her sleep, gently shutting the door behind himself. Gabriel was on his way back downstairs to collect their luggage, and could see a short figure standing in the shadows.

When he came closer, the figure came out, along with another short figure behind the first. He looked closer, and was surprised to see Lucie and Cordelia. "What are you two doing down here?" he asked, curiously looking at the girls.

"We heard the door, and wanted to see what happened," Lucie said as if this were an everyday occurrence.

"Lucie, I thought you would know better. It could be dangerous," he whisper-yelled at his niece.

She shrugged her shoulders, and Cordelia said something to her friend that Gabriel couldn't hear. "Goodnight, Uncle Gabriel," said Lucie. Cordelia jerked her head to the stairs, her red curls bouncing as she did, as the pair of them set off, presumably back to bed.

When the girls left, Gabriel brought all of his and Anna's things to his room for the night. He let himself relax, happy to finally be in the same building as Cecily, once again.

* * *

 **A/N. Yay, they're more or less back together as a family! Next chapter will be delayed, as I have my aunt coming from half way across the country, and my little cousins, so I will probably be busy with them... But, this time, it should be better, I don't have "that conservative aunt" she's cool. But, anyways, I'm behind on my writing schedule, and that will be happening. So, I will update in probably another two weeks? Sorry if that's a problem for anyone!**

 **And now the horrific story of my trip to visit my extended family. I'll try to keep this short... There was a lot, and I mean _a lot_ of misgendering, awkward questions about if I had a boyfriend and then a bunch of panic and anxiety attacks. So... um, yeah. And I tried to avoid the topic at all costs, I wore a makeshift binder, because I wanted to try to feel like myself. Kids, don't make a binder out of a bandeau without padding, and a waist shape-sleeve (which is basically rip off spanx-like tube top). I couldn't breathe. I went upstairs to stay away from them, and ended up passing out. I passed it off as I fell asleep. But, oh, that day was a recipe for Hell.**

 **But, I would like to thank all of you guys who reviewed, and gave me advice as to what I should do. Ily guys so much *hug* you're amazing people! Anyways, thanks for reading this chapter and possibly the stupid rant about my sh!tty weekend!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N. I didn't mean to totally disappear! I ended up having my aunt and cousins here longer than expected... and then... I ended up having to visit the same relatives that I was ranting about last chapter... This time, there were over 30 people and I ended up staying as far away as everyone as I could...**

 **Without further ranting, I present thee: A reviews response! and then, after that... Chapter 8!**

 **Responses:**

 _ **BooksLove1999:**_ **I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter! And, I did have a great time! Thanks for the review** ❤️

* * *

The next morning, Cecily awoke she went down to the dining room. She had only just woken up, but she was already hungry. When she got to the dining room, she was surprised to see that there were only two people inside. "Gabriel!" she cried, picking up her pace, and running towards him.

Gabriel stood up and took a few steps towards her, holding his arms out as she crashed into him. They wrapped in a tight embrace and Cecily could feel tears flowing from her eyes, "I missed you. I missed you so much," she babbled into his chest as he stroked her hair.

Just as they let each other go, Anna forced herself between her parents and wrapped her arms around her mother. Cecily returned the hug, putting her arms around her daughter. "Anna, I am so sorry for how I have been treating you," she said, feeling her tears picking up more, "I love you so much, Anna." Cecily sobbed quietly.

"I love you too, mama." Anna replied, tears falling from her bright green eyes. "I missed you. I'm sorry for being the way I was."

Cecily pulled back from Anna, shaking her head, "no, it is I who is sorry. You should never be sorry for who you are." She put her hand on her daughter's cheek, taking a deep breath before continuing. "And I wish that I told you sooner. I am so proud of you."

A voice from the door frame interrupted their moment, "such a sweet family reunion," said Will, taking a step in. Anna and Cecily looked to him, both with matching glares. Gabriel rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. "Don't mind me. I was only making sure that no one had murdered one another," Will shot sarcastically. "I see that it is going well. I hope." He smiled, and began backing out of the room. "I will be back later." he said, finally leaving the room.

Cecily looked back to Gabriel and Anna, wiping the tears from her eyes. "So," she said, "how was your trip here?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Quite exhausting, actually." Anna said, releasing a small laugh. "There were a few problems on the way, and Papa lost sense of direction and we got lost," she declared, glaring at her father, " _twice"_ she added.

"Don't look at me like that!" Gabriel exclaimed, a surprised look on his face, "it's not easy to navigate when you have such a long way to go, plus a portal half way through," he explained, using an array of hand gestures to add emphasis to his point.

"Either way," Cecily chimed in, "I am so glad that you two are here." She smiled at her husband and daughter. "I truly did miss you. So very much," she sighed, "it is a shame that Christopher cannot be here with us, only them could we be a whole family," she added, sighing.

Anna laughed, "Mother, if Christopher was here, he would be down in Uncle Henry's old crypt, inventing and experimenting. The Academy will be good for him."

Cecily nodded her head at her daughter, a smile on her lips. "Matthew has vowed to keep him safe –and away from fire." She laughed, being reminded of her son, and his experiments that often go awry.

* * *

The afternoon and morning had been full of heartwarming reunion, and a lovely family breakfast full of laughter and smiling. Cecily was so happy to see her daughter smile, hear her laugh, and see her eyes so alive. It was something that she had never realized how much she missed it.

The same went for Anna. She rarely ever saw any emotion across her mother's face when she knew that Anna was around. There was always an unreadable expression, or an unhappy look on her face. Her mother's laugh triggered old memories, as did being in the Institute. She had lived here when she was younger, and had moved out a few years after her brother had been born. So much flew through her head throughout the day, and it was not yet late.

"Anna, is everything all right?" her mother asked, sitting next to her. As the day had progressed, they had ended up in the drawing room after breakfast, sitting on one of the plush sofas near the low burning fire. It lit the room dimly, and let off a dull warmth.

She nodded, "I was just thinking about when we used to live here," she spoked quietly, her day dreaming cutting short.

Cecily moved herself closer to Anna, her eyes taking interest in her daughter's words, "what about it, _cariad?"_ she asked, tilting her head slightly, her violet-blue eyes curious.

"It's just so different. I miss it," Anna admitted, casting her eyes downwards. "I miss being so little, sometimes. The innocence of it all."

Cecily put an arm around her daughter's shoulder, "we all have to grow up, Anna. Things change so much." she said, thinking about her own childhood.

Anna sighed. "Why did we move away, Mama?" she asked curiously.

"A different scenery. To be in the Shadowhunter homeland," Cecily listed, "there are a great many reasons why we moved. Our family was growing, and we had lived with Lucie, James, and their parents for quite some—"

"Was I a problem? Did you want to _fix_ me?" Anna asked, glancing up at her mother with a sadness in her eyes. "I remember sometimes I got in trouble for not wearing my dresses, taking outfits from the boys in the Institute."

Cecily looked at her daughter in surprise. She wouldn't expect Anna to have remembered much of that, nor bring it up. "Anna, it was different back then. But, no. Honestly, we were more concerned about Christopher than we were of you," admitted Cecily, letting out a small laugh. Anna nodded her head, trying her best to believe her mother. Sometimes it was hard, especially considering that she knew how the past had been between them. But even then, that 'past' wasn't so far behind them. There was a future that would begin, and in order for that to happen, Anna would need to let go of the past.

Cecily noticed Anna's spaced out expression. She wanted to try to reconnect with her daughter, she really did. It would be hard, and Cecily knew that she needed to start somewhere. "Anna," she said, stealing her daughter from her mind, "would you like to go out to the shops with your father and I this evening?"

Anna shrugged, "I suppose I could," she replied unenthusiastically.

Cecily tried not to take in personally, she just nodded with a smile at her daughter. "Great! Would you think that after supper we can head out," she proposed.

Anna nodded, "all right," she said dully.

Cecily put her hand on her daughter's shoulder, "Anna, it will be fun, I have something special planned for us," she hinted, a smile ghosting across Anna's face.

"Then in that case I will definitely go with you." Anna reaffirmed, her tone elevating slightly.

* * *

When the evening came around, Anna was finished eating her supper quickly. She was curious as to what her mother had planned for them.

At the dinner table, Cecily brought it up as they all chatted and caught up with each other. "Gabriel, Anna and I were going to go out tonight, would you come with us?" she asked.

At the mention of shopping Cordelia lit up "can I come too?" she asked, looking to Cecily.

Lucie, noticing her friend's excitement, nodded, "if Cordy's going I want to too," said Lucie looking to her mother and father.

Tessa nodded, "I don't see why not, only if it's all right with Cecily," she addressed her sister-in-law.

Cecily gave an uncertain look, "I do suppose that you may come, however, I would like to have some time alone with Anna and Gabriel," she stated sheepishly.

"That's fine, Cecily. It was your idea, and we can keep out space," Tessa confirmed.

"I hope you ladies have a nice evening, I will be here," Will stated, leaning back in his seat.

Tessa put her hand on Will's arm, "couldn't you come with us?" she asked, cocking her head to the side as she looked to her husband.

"Tess, you know I would, but I have too much work I must catch up on," he explained, dismissing it at a wave of hand. "But you ladies enjoy your night…" he smiled, "oh, and Lightworm," he added, his smile turning to a smirk.

Gabriel glared at Will, "back to that again, are we?" he muttered.

Will simply laughed, "yes, Lightworm. We are."

* * *

 **A/N. I will have the next chapter up hopefully next week! And, I wish I didn't ever need to end this story but... I am only writing about a total of ten chapters, so this story, will be ending soon... I know, I know... and I've loved every step of this story, I've loved all the people telling me how much this story means to them... and I love you guys all so so much.  
**

 **Also, sorry that this chapter was kinda short... I have a lot of important things happening next chapter, and I feel like this one really led up to giving the next chapter a bit more sense. I really hope you all loved this chapter, and I would love some more reviews** ❤️❤️❤️


	9. AN: IMPORTANT

**I am very sorry to announce that my stories are most likely not going to be wrapped up or finished anytime soon. I am almost certain that nobody even reads them anymore, and I want to thank everyone who did read them, for reviewing, and for sticking around for however long you did.**

 **I changed how I wanted some of my stories to go, and some people don't seem to really like it. I'm sorry, but I wanted to write for myself, and now that I changed it up people haven't really liked it as much. I apologise for my lack of updates over the past while.**

 **For those of you that know me, I've been through a lot in the past few years and I wrote to escape that pain. But now, it's different. I'm not saying that it's much better, but it's still not perfect. I want to finish these stories because I hate leaving things without an ending. But you guys can imagine up one, or maybe tell me some ideas, and I'll try to figure something out. I am truly sorry that I fucked up again.**

 **My work load for school is way too much at the moment, and I will nt be able to write for quite some time. I will (at least try to) be getting back into writing for these stories in December / January. Over winter break, I hope to be able to write more and finish these stories.  
**

 **However, I have also been debating removing all my in progress stories, and re-writing them in better detail and to remove all, if any, plot holes, and connect the small details that I may have brushed over, and re-uploading the stories. If anyone is for or against the idea, please let me know in a review. I may just re-upload the story, and leave the original ones up for the sake of old reference to see how my writing has changed, and to keep a bit of nostalgia for myself so that I can remember the good old days of when I used to write on a somewhat regular schedule.**

 **I am very sorry for this long drawn out note, but I just needed to say this to clear up any questions anyone may have had at some point as to why I haven't uploaded in a long time. I really want to write still, but I am never finding time or inspiration as of recently to do so. I hope to get back into writing soon, but I cannot promise any updates until at least December.  
**

 **Despite all of this,** **I will try to post the occasional one-shot. I take requests on my tumblr. Same username as I have here: magicandsparklez . tumblr . com ((w/o spaces)) Feel free to send in a prompt if you want to!  
**

 _ ***I have posted this note to all of my stories that are in progress, so not every word applies to each story in particular. But the fact that I will not be writing on these stories for awhile is true for them all***_

 **Thanks for sticking around, but this will be the end for awhile until I find time and ideas of what to write again,**

 **-Shaun**


	10. AN: Guess Who's Back?

**Guess who's coming back to finish this story and possibly write a sequel?**

 **Thou art correct. Tis me.**

 **But so really I disappeared nearly an entire year... I have no excuse for me being an asshole. I have dealt with a lot of stuff and my mental health was not where it should have been. It still isn't quite perfect, but it's getting there. I am happy to announce that I will be uploading a new chapter and then the epilogue within the month. So by July 20th I will have one more chapter, and then by the end of July I will have the completed story with the epilogue. I am so sorry for abandoning this. I promise to be back and write good chapters. I actually went and updated all the chapters a little. Just fixed some typos and grammar mistakes. I hope people still have interest in this story! I love you guys and I wish that I could be better for you guys 3**

 **So new chapters weekly I guess! Since there's only two left, I promise to make the epilogue extra amazing for you guys.**

 **Thanks for sticking with me, or even just finding this some time in the far future.**

 **Until the next chapter,  
MagicAndSparklez**


	11. Chapter 9

**A/N: Okay so I guess I lied and didn't end up finishing uploading this before August... but here is the final chapter. There will be an epilogue to follow in a few days! I am greatly sorry for not having finished this story last year... But I shall do my best to continue writing. I miss the community a lot, in all honesty. Also, I do apologize if the chapter is a little short... it definitely is shorter than most of my previous ones, but I am just getting back into my ways, so please forgive me if it isn't as good as other chapters!  
**

 **Anyways, here it is. Chapter 9! I hope you guys enjoy!**

* * *

Soon after the group had finished their meal, they set out to the carriages. The Herondale family and Cordelia all gathered into one, and Anna and her parents in another. She was nervous, yet excited for what exactly her mother had planned for them. She seemed to have an idea, something she was trying to do for Anna.

It wasn't long before their carriage pulled out in front of a store, dresses and suits in the shop windows. Anna looked confusedly at her mother, -surely Cecily knew by now what Anna's opinion on dresses was.

Cecily simply smiled at her daughter, "Anna, please, come along," she said, the door swinging open as her father hopped out of the carriage.

He offered his hand to Cecily, but she simply jumped out herself, smirking as she landed steadily on her feet. Anna exited next, standing next to her parents. The family began walking to the store front. There were large doors, half open, held by a small wooden wedge. Gabriel held them all the way open, letting the others through first.

"All right Anna," Cecily said, her mouth a half smile, "since you steal your father's suits, I think it's about time you get your own." She stated, her eyes connecting to her daughter's.

Anna beamed, wrapping her arms around her mother, "yes, Mama I think I must agree," she returned, smiling even brighter than before.

Gabriel stepped to join them, letting the door fall back to the doorjamb. They approached the suit section and were greeted by a sales associate. He simply tipped his head in a welcome. Gabriel smiled back and returned the nod.

Anna was smiling brighter than Cecily had ever seen before. She was so content just looking at the different suits, different materials and patterns. She browsed freely through the ties, suspenders, shirts, and all through.

While her parents watched, Anna was checking different types of foulards, ascots, and bowties. She fell in love with an embroidered green floral design against a black satin bowtie. Anna picked it up off the rack and held it in her hands, smiling at it and thinking to herself: _finally something of my own_.

She continues on her search of clothing as she noticed her parents smiling at her. She heard her father speak softly to her mother, _"she's never been so happy."_ The words hit her in a way where she couldn't help but smile bigger—which she didn't think was possible at that point.

All the while she searched, she failed to figure out one thing. She didn't understand exactly what styles would suit her body type to give her a more androgynous look. She never had her own suits or pants, so she wasn't sure how to end up without everything fitting too tight or loose.

Anna turned to her parents and asked her father to assist her in her searches for clothing that will be proper on her. It is true that while she stole Gabriel and Christopher's clothing, she never exactly had anything of theirs fit completely correct. There was always some tucking and folding to be done with whatever she wore.

Gabriel smiled at his daughter asking for his help, feeling as though there was a slight anxiety in the air that disappeared. She was becoming herself, and she was confidant. Anna was always one to do everything herself no matter how difficult, and Gabriel missed having time with her. He missed the days when she was younger and still needed her parents' help. But today was a day where the family seemed to return to what it once was: little things started to fall back into place today.

As Anna searched the racks with her father for different suit jackets, and waistcoats, she wasn't aware of a salesperson approaching her. There was a man in a tailored suit that came and stepped into her view on the other side of the rack, giving her a strange look "Miss, the dresses are on the other side of the store," he elucidated, gesturing his hand towards the far walls of corsets, lace gloves and flouncy skirts.

Gabriel froze, unsure of how to reply to the man. Was someone questioning the integrity of his daughter? Did this hurt Anna? What to do…

Before either men could say another word, Anna spoke in a very firm, yet polite tone: "yes sir, I am very aware," she said, continuing to look through the jackets as if nothing had happened.

The man scrunched his eyebrows together, confused, "Miss, please. This is no place for a lady," his voice was harsh as he glared at Anna.

"I simply must agree," she said. Anna turned towards her mother, taking her by the arm "look Mam, dresses" she said, directing her to the other side of the store, "for women."

Cecily grinned in the slightest as Anna walked with her to the other side. Cecily and Anna shared a quiet laugh before Anna turned back around and returned to the men's side of the store.

The man was growing more and more frustrated and Gabriel couldn't help the smirk that came up onto his face. He, of course, wanted to jump into action and protect his little girl from the rude people, but he wasn't prepared to see how well Anna was handling the situation.

"Sir please, this is no place for childish jokes," the salesman said to Gabriel upon the return of Anna.

"Sophistication is of utmost importance, I do agree sir," Anna said, continuing to hold herself high, "I would appreciate if _you_ ceased your childish behaviour," she gibed, cocking an eyebrow at him, maintaining sharp eye contact.

Gabriel was surprised to see that his daughter had such attitude, he was secretly proud of it. In another world this would have been unacceptable, unladylike, and disgraceful, but to him, it was quite entertaining to see. The confidence that Anna was demonstrating truly was astonishing.

The salesman had had it with this family. He turned on his heels and went to a back counter.

Anna smiled. She waved to her mother from across the store, who returned to their side. Cecily and Gabriel stood next to Anna as the three acted as though nothing had even happened.

But what happened next didn't surprise Gabriel; it did bother him nonetheless. The salesman had the three of them escorted from the store. He was fuming and had made sure to shut the door behind them and turning the _open_ sign to _closed._ It was quite clear in his face that this was enough for him today.

Cecily turned to Anna, her face proud yet laced with a bit of disappointment. She put her hand on her daughter's cheek, a half smile coming to her face "I'm proud of you, Anna. You stood up for yourself, you were so strong," she smiled bigger and pulled her daughter in for a hug.

"Mother," Anna interrupted pulling away slightly, "I wasn't kind enough. I got us thrown out of the store," she pointed out.

Cecily shook her head, "it may not have been kind, but it was brave. That is how you are. Brash, bold, brave—" she paused, taking a breath. "Don't ever let anyone change that, dear. I love you for that Anna. I love the strong person that you have become. I love the way you do unto yourself. I love how you are who you want to be and won't back down." She smiled at her daughter, feeling tears welling up behind her eyes, "I only wish that I could have realised that about you sooner."

Anna felt tears now coming up behind her eyes, she couldn't say any words. She had never felt so loved at one time in her life—she had never felt so accepted either.

The pair locked in another tight hug, completely ignoring Gabriel, who had been watching the whole exchange. He felt proud of Cecily for overcoming herself and realising what an amazing and unique daughter they had. He also felt proud of Anna for standing her ground.

* * *

Anna and her parents had ended up finding another store and being fast enough to get what they had wanted without attracting much attention there. The three of them hopped back into their carriage, and met back up with Tessa, Will, Lucie, and Cordelia back at the institute.

It felt nice to be together again, even nicer that she could now look at her mother without fear of rejection for who she was.

Anna knew that in her life she will get in trouble for her attitude and her identity—it was inevitable. However, if someone has a problem with Anna, they can see themselves out of her life. She will not deal with those who don't respect her; if they do not respect her, then why must she unto them?

* * *

 **A/N: Wowie, Anna sure is confidant. I love her character so much and I honestly cannot wait for TLH. I based this chapter loosely actually of an experience I had, and something that I wished that I had done. I very much hope everyone liked this chapter, and also I'm sorry I didn't reply to any of the comments/reviews, but I just feel they were all scattered and I kind of don't have a great idea on how to reply to them. Sorry for that ahhh!  
**

 **Thank you all for reading this. I promise that the epilogue will be up as soon as I finish writing it! (haven't started it yet oops) but yeah... I would love some reviews and any small ideas of what you want to see in the epilogue? Like any interactions? It will take place a little in the future. This took place in 1899 so the next will be in 1903 (same year that TLH is set to happen) so hopefully I can also slide in some casual head-cannons :)))**


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